Family, hylery, Life, Love, Parenting

Is there a difference on who parents a child?

The Family
My Family

Our young man has three dads and a mom, yep you read that right…. This post was prompted following a recent incident in our lives. 

He has a pair of birth parents (mom and dad), then hubby and I ( both male) that are rearing him. He isn’t the first nor the last child to be brought up in similar family structures. There are children with birth parents and two moms and then some with two birth parents and a mom and dad raising them. Besides these family structures, we also have children being brought up by single parents, that is a mom or a dad, for whatever reason, as there are children being raised by family members such as aunts and uncles, or grandparents and of course children born through surrogate where the one member of the same-sex couple is the biological parent. However, is there a difference?

Is there any difference?

Does it really matter who raises the child? Isn’t it more important that the child is raised in a loving, stable home environment? If this environment consists of two same-sex parents or single parents does it really matter, is it not more important that the child is happy and nurtured?

If you think about it, so-called “straight” heterosexual parents raise children that have eventually confirmed that they are gay. In some instances 2/3 children or more in a family are gay. Then we have cases where gay parents raise heterosexual children but also gay children. So there goes that argument that gay parents raise gay children. I brought that up, because in most cases with individuals that have an issue with children being raised by same-sex parents, that’s their main concern. So how do you explain the gay children that were born of and raised by heterosexual parents?

What about abuse?

What about it? Personally, I don’t believe that the sexual orientation of the parent is necessarily the cause of the abuse. Yes, if the parents are not providing a stable environment because of alcohol, emotional, sexual abuse etc. it may lead to a child growing up with emotional challenges, as it may also lead to that same child to grow up as a well-balanced individual,  determined not to allow themselves to become like their parent?

Listen to the words by this young man…

My thoughts ..

I look at how I was brought up and I don’t see any difference to how our young man is being brought up. If anything, I know that both hubby and I are doing our best to be even better parents. We’re making sure that our young man is exposed to balanced environments, where he sees heterosexual families and same-sex families.

At his tender age he already knows that his family setup is different to many of his classmates. He has already asked about “mom” and we’ve responded to his question age appropriately but did not lie. As his parents we don’t believe lying to him benefits anyone, if anything it will most certainly work against us in the long-term.

He interacts with our sisters and his cousins, at school he has his teachers and at home his nanny who are all female. He is loved by them all differently and he knows that each plays a different role in his life. What am I missing?

I know that perhaps I am looking at it all naively, by simplifying it all, but isn’t complicating the simplest of things our biggest problem? Why can’t we just let things be. There are bigger issues that require attention and aren’t getting it.

So, let me and my family be, allow us to fall, dust ourselves off and move forward. When we have an issue we can’t seem to find a solution to, we will seek help. It really serves no purpose to try to preempt possible challenges when we have no assurance it may even take place. We’ve given you no reason, so focus more on your own life, instead of ours.

One day, God willing.. this will be us…

HKL

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9 thoughts on “Is there a difference on who parents a child?”

  1. I have to agree with you , children need stability , structure ,discipline and love and it doesn’t really matter who is providing it for them. We are all different and the world is different that’s what makes it a magical place , your son looks incredibly happy and you and hubby do too and that ,in the end is all that counts . We all make mistakes with parenting whether you are the biological parent or not or whether there is 2 dads or 2 moms .

  2. Well written and thought through Emanuel. No one said being a parent would be easy or financially rewarding or noble but I feel blessed having JJ in our lives. he is the most well adjusted and confident ‘dude’ I know and I can’t wait to wake up every day to see how he grows, develops and loves. I quite frankly don’t care very much what those nay sayers and bigots have to say…we are doing an excellent job…the Lord’s work and it shows!

  3. I totally agree with you. I have raised two men in a female only household. They have been raised with manners, respect, love, security and stability. But most of all the freedom of choice to what what makes them happy. They have grown into men a mom can be proud of. So no, it doesn’t matter.

  4. I, for one totally agree with you. I have raised two men as a single mom, in a female only household. I have provided exactly what you have mentioned. The findementals such as manners, respect, Love, security and stability. But, most of all the freedom of choice to be who they are. They have turned out to be wonderful men.

    1. Thanks taking the time to read and comment Charysse, I’ve met one of your sons and I know you’ve brought them up wonderfully. He is a respectful and confident young man! Keep it up mom 🙂

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